No Onions, No Garlic: Comforting Crockpot Beef Chili

Ingredients and prices:

2 lbs of organic ground beef at Whole Foods. $16! :( this had better serve a goddamn village when I'm done.
28 oz can crushed tomatoes ($1.99)
16 oz can organic diced tomatoes, sodium-free ($2.99)
1 chopped red bell pepper
1 chopped green bell pepper
2 zucchini, grated
1 16 oz bag dried kidney beans, hot soaked
1 tsp sugar
1 tsp salt
3 tsp oregano
4 tsp cumin
1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
1 tsp unsweetened cocoa powder

My last chili recipe used twice the spices and no sugar, and had paprika. I omitted paprika because I found some kind of insect nesting in my paprika I bought from Kalustyan's ew ew ew ew. To do: find spice jars.

The beef was frozen, so I put it in the slow cooker first on high and added the crushed tomatoes for a couple of hours.

Once it was tender enough to be broken into pieces, I added the vegetables and spices.

After about an hour I added the hot soaked kidney beans. (Note: Beans are very high FODMAP foods. Omit if to reduce FODMAPs.)

Then I cooked on low for another three hours. Truth be told, it could have used more time to soften up the beans... or I could have just used canned beans. But overall, it turned out great.

Serving suggestions: in a bowl with cheese and tortilla chips; in a taco with avocado and cheese; on a baked sweet potato (pictured above) with cheese; on a hot dog!

Friday: Slow Cooker Pork Shoulder with Homemade Low-FODMAP Taco Seasoning

No onions, no garlic, no problem. In accordance with my husband's new low-FODMAP mandate from his doctor, I tried my hand at a low-FODMAP variation of my usual pork shoulder taco recipe. Basically this means ditching the beans and storebought salsa and taco seasoning. This one turned out pretty tasty, though next time I might have a heavier hand with the spices.

Ingredients:

Frozen pork shoulder from Whole Foods (they cut off the skin! woohoo!)
1 16 oz can diced tomatoes, no sodium
1/2 cup frozen corn
1/2 grated fresh carrot, for sweetness
Lime juice to taste

Homemade low-FODMAP taco seasoning:

2 teaspoons oregano
1 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon paprika
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
Pinch cayenne pepper

Pour diced tomatoes into crockpot and lay pork shoulder on top. Surround with frozen corn and add spices and carrot. Since my pork shoulder was frozen and I want to eat it tonight, I put it straight into the crockpot and set it on high, then switched to low after 6 hours for 10 hours total.

Serve with corn tortillas, shredded pepperjack or cheddar cheese, lime, and fresh chopped cilantro. Add avocado or sour cream if your gut can tolerate FODMAPs. 

Monday: Low FODMAP Crockpot Turkey Chili

There's nothing better than curling up with a bowl of hot chili on a brisk November day. But what to do if you're trying to avoid beans, onions, and garlic--ie the basic building blocks of chili? Turns out, it *is* possible, with a little creativity and elbow grease, to make low-FODMAP chili. (The secret's in the cumin and oregano...) I cobbled this recipe together from a mishmash of recipes I found online. You can easily substitute ground pork or beef for the turkey, or add other low-FODMAP veggies like squash. I'm definitely planning on making this again soon!

Ingredients:

2 lbs ground turkey (leg meat)
1 red bell pepper, finely chopped
1 green bell pepper, finely chopped
2 zucchini, finely chopped
1 carrot, grated
1 28 oz. can crushed tomatoes
1 16 oz. can low-sodium diced tomatoes
1 tsp salt
4 teaspoons paprika
7 teaspoons oregano
8 teaspoons cumin
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper (more if you like it spicy)
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/4 teaspoon unsweetened cocoa

1. Brown turkey in a saucepan with a tablespoon of a neutral-tasting oil, like canola.
2. Chop and grate vegetables and add to crockpot. Measure out spices and add. Open cans of tomato stuff and add. Stir.
3. Scoop browned turkey onto the vegetable mix. Cook in the slow cooker on low for 8 hours.
4. Serve in a bowl with shredded cheese, cilantro, sour cream and avocado if you tolerate them.

This came out really lovely, maybe a little intense on the spices, but the cumin and oregano completely compensate for the lack of FODMAP foods like onion and garlic.

I used 1.2 lbs of ground turkey and was disappointed when this only made about half a crockpot's worth of chili. Kind of a waste. Next time I'm adding more turkey and veggies, with the same amount of spices. 

Thursday: Fall Vegetable Stew with Beef

This morning I took the butternut squash out of the crockpot and let it cool off. 

I had a bunch of vegetables left over from previous recipes and some carrots and kale from the farmers market. So last night I prepped all the vegetables and stuck them in the fridge. This morning I mixed all the ingredients and set the crockpot for 6 hours on low.

Ingredients:

Cooked beef from making beef stock
2 zucchini, sliced in rounds
1 bunch of carrots from the farmer's market, sliced in rounds
1/2 head broccoli, chopped
2 red potatoes, quartered
1 bunch elephant kale from farmer's market, chopped
1 bunch fresh sage, parsley, and thyme
1 16 oz can unsalted diced tomatoes
1/2 cup frozen corn
4 cups beef broth 

Remove the herbs, and serve with parmesan cheese, salt and pepper.

Voila! Beef stew.

For dessert we had the butternut squash with butter, sugar, cinnamon, and sea salt. Yum!

FODMAP Free Sunday

This weekend I got busy in the kitchen making FODMAP-free foods for the fam.

#1: Whole Chicken Chicken Stock (adapted from here)

Ingredients:

Organic whole chicken including giblets
Handful fresh parsley from farmers market
3 stalks sad little celery from farmers market
2 bay leaves
2 tbsp rice wine vinegar
1/2 carrot from the farmers market

Put it all in the crockpot with a buncha water and set to 20 hours on low. Results TBD. I'll take the cooked chicken out tomorrow and use for salads/sandwiches.

#2: Chicken Broccoli Cheese Bake (adapted from here)

Ingredients:

1 cup brown rice
Organic chicken cutlets
Olive oil
1/2 head broccoli
Parmesan cheese
Cheddar cheese
Salt and pepper

Cook rice, cook chicken in dutch oven. Steam broccoli. Mix it all together and bake for 15 min. Went over well. But will it reheat? Probably four servings.

#3 FODMAP Friendly Pumpkin Bread (adapted from here)

Ingredients:

1 cup canola oil
2 cups granulated sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups canned pumpkin
2/3 cup water
3 1/3 cups quinoa flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice (cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, clove)
1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla

Mix oil, sugar, eggs, pumpkin, and water; add flour, bp, bs, salt, pumpkin pie spice and vanilla; stir a little. Preheat oven to 350. For muffins, bake for 35 min. For bread, 50 min. These were DELICIOUS. Half the muffins are already gone. Probably all that sugar + oil! {NOTE: The bread was a little squishy near the middle. Might need to bake it longer at a lower temperature.}

#4 Fall Beef Stew (adapted from here)

Ingredients:

1 lb organic beef chunks
1/2 cup or so of quinoa flour
salt and pepper
olive oil
1 16 oz can salt-free diced tomatoes
2 carrots from the farmers market
5 turnips from the farmers market
5 red potatoes from the farmers market
1 tiny celery stalk chopped up real small
1 tbsp chopped parsley
1 2/3 cups water
1/3 cup dry red wine
1 tsp thyme

Coat beef chunks in flour, salt and pepper; brown. Add liquids and stir in the rest of the flour; add veggies and spices; bring to a boil and pop in the oven for an hour and a half at 350 degrees.

The beef was really tough, there were too many turnips, and while the carrots and potatoes were perfect consistency the turnips were very soft. But the flavor of the sauce was great. Wish I had beef stock and more wine on hand. Makes roughly four to six servings.

#5 Poor Woman's Pesto-like Power Spread

Is there such thing as a FODMAP-free garlic/pesto substitute? I made this one up. It's pungent and thrifty, but who knows if it will actually get eaten.

Ingredients:

1 1/2 cups turnip greens, celery leaves, parsley, broccoli
Olive oil
Lemon juice
Salt
Pepper
Parmesan cheese
Balsamic vinegar

Boil water. Dip greens into the water for 30 seconds. Blend in blender. Add olive oil, lemon juice, salt, pepper,  splash of balsamic vinegar, and parmesan cheese to taste/consistency. Apparently this is very nutritious, if somewhat overpowering, and I probably should have cooked the turnip greens. Will try on pasta or crackers (?) Maybe a sandwich spread? Next time add kale, spinach, basil. Call it Soylent...

FACTS AND FIGURES
 
Prep time: I spent about four hours preparing everything, but that includes chatting with a friend and doing all the dishes.
Servings: Hard to tell; probably 4 each of the entrees.
Agony rating: 7/10. Peeling and chopping; browning meat; measuring ingredients for pumpkin bread; ay ay ay.
Taste and stuff: So far, so good!

*COSTS OF STUFF I HAD TO BUY SPECIAL*

I tossed the receipt, and bought many other things at the grocery, but the cost of all this food probably came in around $70-$80. That includes the fancy organic meat and the organic farmer's market vegetables and eggs. So overall this will probably come in around $6-$8 a serving once I use all the chicken in the slow cooker, which while not stupendous is certainly doable.

VERDICT: A day well spent. We will have breakfast and dinner for almost a full workweek. SUCCESS.

Moroccan Chicken Crockpot Forever Stew

I call this "forever stew," because the answer to the question "how long are you cooking this?" and "how long will it last?" is the same.

Ingredients:

Lotsa chicken
Can of chickpeas
Onions
Zucchini
Cherry tomatoes
Raisins
Chopped green olives
Carrots
Green peppers
Spices according to this recipe
Couscous

Now I'm discovering it's totally full of FODMAPs and I shouldn't have served it, but maybe I can come up with an approximation using quinoa, diced tomatoes, carrots, green peppers, green olives, and something sweet (?)

 FACTS AND FIGURES

Prep time: About an hour (?)

Servings: Ten? Twelve?

Agony rating: 5/10. Chopping, de-boning meat.

Taste and stuff: Pretty good.

*COSTS OF STUFF I HAD TO BUY SPECIAL* 

I basically had NO spices on hand so I had to purchase them all anew. I spent about $60 total on all this stuff. But since it makes so many servings, it probably works out to $5-$6 per serving, less once you take out the cost of buying new turmeric.

VERDICT: Pretty good. Not really that spicy, surprisingly. But I need to figure out how to make a low-FODMAP version if this is going to join the canon.

Crockpot Pork Shoulder Tacos (with Black Bean and Corn Salsa)

This isn't a healthy meal. Pork shoulder is full of unhealthy meat fat. And black beans, onions, corn are good for some folks, but not good for others--especially if you're avoiding FODMAP foods. This meal scores well on the agony scale--it's super easy to prepare--and if you break it down per serving, it's pretty affordable, too. It can be made FODMAP-friendly if you use diced tomatoes instead of salsa, skip the black beans, and DIY the taco seasoning without onion and garlic powder.

Added bonus: you will run out of tortillas before you run out of pork, and leftovers can be scrambled with eggs ("huevos porquerias?") or served on a hamburger bun as a pulled pork sandwich especial.

Ready? Better grocery up.

Ingredients:

One pork shoulder
1.5-2 jars salsa
1 can black beans
1 can corn
1 packet taco seasoning
Shredded cheese
Soft corn tortillas

It's barely even cooking.

The worst/hardest thing about this recipe is preparing the pork shoulder. Use a sharp knife and get that skin off. Quickly and without too much introspection, slice off as much fat as you can. Toss the whole mess in a plastic bag and toss that in a plastic bag and throw it in the trash. (The stronger-stomached and more adventurous can save the skin and try making homemade pork rinds.)

Put in slow cooker, and add the beans, salsa, and corn. Sprinkle some taco seasoning on top.

Don't judge yet.

Cover and cook on low for 15 hours or until the pork falls off the bone. I did this wrong, so it ended up being like 24 hours.

When your dog has been sufficiently tortured by the smell of slow-cooking pig product, remove the pork shoulder from the crock pot, and put it in a bowl. Use a fork to pull the pork meat off the bone. Save the bone for later.

We don't hide anything here.

Final product, sans bone.

At this point, I spooned out about 1/4 cup of liquid - fat and juice. Too much water will ruin a good taco, and it really is a lot of pork fat. Urk.

When you're ready to eat, heat up your tortillas in the oven for five minutes and sprinkle with cheese. Add avocado, guacamole, tomato, pico, hot sauce, lettuce, anything you have handy that would be nice in a taco. Spoon pork on top and enjoy.

Ay, que boniiiiito.

FACTS AND FIGURES
 
Prep time: 10 min plus eternity and a day to cook.
Servings: 6-8 *plus leftover pork/bean/corn/salsa mix
Agony rating: 3/10. Slicing the skin and fat off the pork shoulder is not a task for the faint of heart (or those without sharp knives.) But besides that, you just need a can opener and lots of patience. Only cleanup is the slow cooker, cutting board, and knife, and any plates you use to serve the tacos on.
Taste and stuff: 6/10. Sokay. Add hot sauce next time. And probably more artery-clogging than nutrient-bearing.

*COSTS OF STUFF I HAD TO BUY SPECIAL*

1 bag Sargento 4 Cheese Mexican Blend $2.50
2x 16 oz Newman's Own Salsa Medium $5.98
15 oz can corn $1.50
15 oz can black beans $1.50
Mission yellow corn tortillas, 24-pack $1.99
Pork shoulder half $8.54
Old El Paso Taco Seasoning Mix $1.19
Total cost of stuff I had to buy special: $23.20
Cost per serving: $3.87 for 6 servings; $2.90 for 8


VERDICT: SUCCESS?